Mỗi người có 3 cuộc sống

This is true. There’s the public face. There’s the private face. There’s the secret face.

The secret face is that which we keep to ourselves and never tell anyone. it might be out of guilt and shame or it might be a matter of survival.

Then there’s the private face. These are the things we share among those we are close to. Nothing to be ashamed of but also not something you want broadcast to the entire world.

And, of course, there is the public face. Pretty self-explanatory.

Different people have different standards for which belongs where. One person’s secret face is another’s public face. There’s the bishop whose visits to gay bars were publicly announced by the officials of his denomination after they hired a company to identify his phone and then track where he had gone. His entire life has been destroyed. For a public face on the same thing, there are many many many gays who have come out publicly. Will he be able to transition?

There are plenty of secret nudists out there, though most are probably private nudists. I am actually a bit proud of being a more public nudist though even I wouldn’t go up and down the street locally announcing it. There are still morally constipated people where I live who’d give me shit. It can be impractical to leave that closet totally behind.

Keeping things secret is bad for you on a psychological level but on the private or public level, it is a way to avoid harm. The secret face isn’t always evil and it isn’t always wrong.

Unless you are out there hurting people, it isn’t my place to judge you for your secret or for the fact you keep it a secret. Everyone has all three faces.

You will need to translate this post from the original Vietnamese. I am using an app called “Translate web pages” in Firefox.

Chuyện Nancy Kể

Photo: Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Nếu có cơ hội ngồi cùng nhóm bạn và chơi cái trò oan nghiệt như trong Tiệc trăng máu, bạn chơi không?

Tôi, có cho cả chục triệu đồng, cũng sẽ không làm điều đó.

Tôi không chơi, không phải vì lo sợ, mà đơn cử là không thích. Nếu rõ ràng mỗi người có 3 cuộc sống: công khai (ngoài xã hội), riêng tư (người nhà, bạn bè thân thiết với nhau), bí mật (chỉ mình mình biết), vậy cớ gì phải phơi bày cái mặt vốn-là-riêng-tư kia cho đám đông? Thật đấy. Bởi đó là một chốn thiêng/ chốn riêng mà không có khái niệm đúng sai nào được áp dụng. Ví như những người cuồng tình dục, thích bạo dâm và đam mê BDSM, đó là cuộc đời riêng tư của họ mà chúng ta không có quyền đánh giá hay can…

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One Comment

  1. Martha Kennedy

    Interesting. I thought of Billy Joel’s song as soon as I saw the title (translated). I think some aspects of a private face are private because a person needs a personal, unique, private identity no one shares. I don’t have a problem with (your) nudity simply because I don’t care, but those who do? Somewhere in their private world is a sense of shame, a stigma, attached to nudity, a whole rash (ha ha) of implicit meanings. I feel the same way about homosexuality. I just don’t care. I never cared. What people do between themselves is not my business. Those who DO care? I’ve always felt they had a problem that I understand less than I understand homosexuality (which doesn’t require my understanding). But I have a private face. It will stay that way. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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